In Memory of Mary

Mother’s Day.  Just the name says it all.  It’s a day for mothers.  I am a mom to four wonderful children.  I am blessed because they are all healthy and fairly well adjusted.  They are growing by leaps and bounds and are the joys of my life.  Emily made me breakfast this morning all by herself.  Not bad for a ten year old!!

But today is a sad day for me.  I don’t have my mom to call, or send flowers to, or take to dinner.  My mom has passed away and today is her birthday to boot!

We used to laugh when I was younger about the fact that she got extra attention because her birthday was always so close to Mother’s Day.  Every so many years it even fell on the day.  She was born on Mother’s Day 62 years ago today.

So that brings me to my funk.  My mom passed away almost four years ago, and most days pass without a second thought as I stay busy with the daily grind of a family of six.  Holidays come and go, and I fondly remember our traditions and I might shed a tear or laugh out loud over the memories.  However, Mother’s Day has always been the hardest.  I miss her so much!  I want to call her to tell her how much I love her, or how much I appreciate the sacrifices that she made for me.  These of course are all things that I did tell her when she was here on earth with me, but for some reason on Mother’s Day I still feel the need to say them again. 

My mom was sick with Multiple Sclerosis for a very long time.  She really suffered the last few years of her life, and if I really look at the depths of my heart, I would have to admit that I don’t want her back in the condition that she was in.  But the selfish little girl within me cries for her mommy.  In my adult mind I know she is in a better place and that I will spend eternity with her.  However, in my here and now I wish I could turn back the hands of time just once more.

So, to Mary Lou I say…

“Mom, I love you more than words can say.  You were my rock.  You listened even when you really didn’t understand.  You didn’t judge even when you had every right to do so.  You gave up a LOT of your life to create mine and never once made me feel like I was a burden.  You taught me so much about dignity, grace, courage and selflessness.  You set an example of marriage and motherhood.  You shared parts of your life with me and let me share with you.  Some would say they were things that a mom and daughter shouldn’t have shared…but I am so glad we did!  You walked me through motherhood the first time when everything I did I was sure was wrong.  You were my biggest cheerleader and also the shoulder I cried on through many a heartbreak.  You never pointed out the mistakes I made in choosing boyfriends, rather you railed against them just as much as I did.  You didn’t understand the love/hate relationship I had with Dad as I was growing up, but you listened and comforted me when I cried when he didn’t seem to notice or care about something that I had done.  You cried on my shoulder with each ugly step that MS took from you.  I just held on and cried with you.  We sat together on the couch on Christmas Eve every year and cried over the lose of your own mom as we looked at the lights on our tree without our glasses!  You cried just as I did every year when we heard someone sing O Holy Night in church.  We laughed at the memories of vacations, holidays, growing up and just being a family.  We buried family members together and talked about what you wanted when the time came, although I tried to block it all out!  You were the best.  You were my hero then and Mom…you still are.  Happy Birthday and Happy Mother’s Day.  I still miss you and think I always will.

Kids Say the Funniest Things

I have been thinking recently about funny things my kids said as they were learning to talk.  Some I remember quite clearly and others are fuzzy and then some I don’t remember at all until someone else reminds me.  I decided to put them here, so that someday I can pull this post up and remind myself.  My brothers and I loved to hear our parents talk about the funny way we verbalized different things as babies, so why wouldn’t my kids want to know those things someday?  I still chuckle every time I turn on my windshield wipers because Mike (my brother) used to call them “whimper wipers”.  When I think of my first born Katie several things come to mind.  She used to say mailo for mail or tailo for tail.  Shula was her morning cereal and we spent a loongggg time on the cereal aisle one day while she looked for “man shula” which turned out to be Life cereal.  (Made perfect sense to her as there was a picture of a man on the corner of the box!)  She also liked to watch TV in the “liver room”.  Richard spent an entire weekend driving his grandmother crazy because he wanted “clocko muk” and she had no idea what he was asking for until his parents returned home from a wonderful weekend away only to inform her that it was chocolate milk!  He also liked to help his dad with the “mowlawner” on the weekends.  Emily was always the one in the family with an amazing ability to remember anything I ever said.  I was often found telling her to remind me of something I needed at the store as we were driving to said designation.  Her response was never that she would “remind” me…she always said “don’t worry Mommy, I will member you”.  She also still loves to drink Gatoregg and also loved to help Daddy find the “merote”  Then came Daniel…he had a very hard time learning his V’s and F’s.  So he would say things like “I luz you Mom” or “Dad let’s go sishing!”  My favorite all time thing with Daniel was a song he sang from preschool.  They were learning about dinosaurs and taught the kids a song to the tune of “Are you Sleeping Brother John”.  Daniel’s rendition was oh so much better because of his little speech issue.  It came out as follows:

Tyrannedon, Tyrannedon

You eat sish, you eat sish

Slying through the air

Dizing in the water

Catch that sish, you’re sazorite dish!

How could you not just want to pick up a kid like that and kiss him until he screams for mercy!!!???  There are others I am sure, so I will be editing this post as they come to me or I am reminded!  Share your funny stories of words or phrases…I love them all.

Until next time…

Anticipation

As I have written about before…I love fall.  With fall comes Thanksgiving.  I love holidays!  I love Easter, I love Christmas and I love Thanksgiving.  There are lots of other holidays I look forward to as well, but those are the big three.  I really enjoy the anticipation of the coming of the holiday.  Decorating the house, buying the food, preparing food and goodies…even cleaning the house is more fun when you know it is because others are coming to stay with you.

This year I am especially anticipating our family Thanksgiving.  My family of six will be hosting an additional 8 people for several days.  Our home will be bursting at the seams with people of all ages and I CAN’T WAIT!!  My dad & step-mom are coming as well as my brother Brian.  My sister Leighan, husband John and kids are coming as well.  We all have so much fun being together that the chaos the will ensue is nothing to worry about. We will laugh a lot, eat way to much & make more memories to file away and relive on another day.

My prayer for all of you is that you will have as blessed a holiday as we will and that you all take time to relax and truly enjoy the moments that make it a special day with special people.

Until next time…

I Love Fall

Fall.  Autumn.  Whichever you prefer to call it…it’s my absolutely favorite season.  I love everything about it.  I love the colors.  I love the leaves changing color and falling, blowing, messing up my yard.  I love the chilly mornings, warm afternoons and really cold nights.  I love the crispness in the air.  I love that it’s football season.  I look forward to fall.  I anticipate it’s arrival.  It’s not that I don’t like the other seasons because I do, although Central Oregon really doesn’t have much of a Spring no matter how hard we try to pretend that it does!  There is just something about Fall that makes me excited.

The excitement might have something to do with the fact that the kids return to school in the Fall, but although that is a nice part it’s not the whole thing.  As my kids are getting older I am actually finding myself not ready to give them back to the education system.  I enjoy our summers and they seem to be getting shorter and shorter!  But I digress.  Fall has been my favorite since I was just a little girl walking to school kicking at the leaves in the gutters.  Yes, we used to walk to school every day even when it was raining…that’s what our umbrellas, slickers and boots were for! 

Last year I had the pleasure of driving over to Portland in October.  I was so excited to begin that drive.  I stopped to get gas and grabbed a venti Starbucks and a goodie to munch on.  I made sure to have some great music in my disc player and off I went.  Heading over the Santiam in October was amazing!  I had the music blaring and at every turn I marveled at the artistry of our Master.  Every mile marker found me talking out loud to myself about what a fabulous picture that would be.  I could have filled up my walls with photos from that trip if I had brought the camera and had the time.  Our God is so gracious to give us those views every single year!  I was hoping to repeat that trip this year, but it wasn’t in the cards.  It was a very special time for me and the three hours just flew by.

Fall…I love it!  Take time to look around you at the colors and textures.  It’s all gifts from our Father and He wants you to enjoy them right along with me!

Until next time…

Saying Goodbye

I lost a nice, wonderful friend and lady to cancer and today was her funeral.  Joanne was a kick!  She was the sister of my brother-in-law, so I would consider us almost family.  She was a very short little gal and had a great shape, if you consider round a shape!  ( I do by the way)  Joanne never met a stranger and could talk way longer about nothing than I could ever hope to achieve.  Joanne loved many things, Jesus Christ, quilting, singing, family, friends, but I think the thing she loved the most was cooking/baking.  Anytime we had a family get together, I could always count on Joanne bringing some sort of delicious goodies and my favorite was her coconut balls.  They tasted like an Almond Joy without the almond…yummo!  I have let everyone know that the recipe needs to find it’s way to my hands so that I can continue the tradition!

The service today was very nicely done.  Joanne was a devout Catholic so there was a full mass.  I didn’t understand a lot of the things they did so I whispered to my hubby who of course couldn’t remember either!  While I was sitting there I thought about Jesus and the party he was having in heaven.  You know, our Daddy just wants to have relationship with us…he longs for it.  He had a deep relationship with Joanne, so I know they must be having a full fledged blowout up there!  I imagined Him holding the door as she strolled towards the gates as if to say “Welcome…I have been excitedly expecting your arrival.  Please come in, we are having a banquet in your honor.” 

We as humans try to muck it up.  We try to make it so difficult.  It really is easy…just love Him.  We just need to be His friend.  We need to talk to Him.  We need to listen as He talks to us.  We need to learn His still quiet voice.  It’s simple and we need to keep it simple.  Read His Word, let it settle in our hearts, talk to Him about what we hear and lean on Him whenever we have troubles or need redirection onto His path.

I am glad to know that Joanne is with her heavenly Father, and I anticipate seeing her again when it will be my turn to return home for my banquet! 

Until next time…

Reflecting

So a friend sent me one of those lists…you know the ones I am talking about.  “List crazy things about yourself that maybe someone doesn’t know” kind of list.  Anyhow, since it is a cold Oregon night and the fireplace is going strong and I am wrapped in a blankie, I figured what the heck…let’s go for it.  Sometimes you just need to reflect on your life.

Where is your cell phone? Plugged in to the charger on the kitchen counter
Where is your significant other?  Laying in his Lay-Z-Boy chair relaxing after a long day of prepping for a big paint job he is doing.  He’s tired, but still cute.
Your hair color? Dark brown thanks to Clairol…always was dark brown but now it has these darn grey things popping in all over the place hence the helpful little box!
Your mother? Most unselfish, positive, loving, brave and caring women I will know.

Your father? Strong, supportive, wonderful man

Your favorite thing? my family, reading, coffee, girlfriends
Your dream/goal?  To know Him, to help Amani become all that He would want it to be.

The room you’re in? My living room by the fire
Your hobby? reading, computer time, NHRA drag racing and football.
Your fear? snakes
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Right here in Bend watching my kids grow and step out on there own.  Wow…just realized that in 6 years I will have two high school grads and two high school students!

Where were you last night? At home…
What you’re not? thin, blond, a good singer, snobby
One of your wish list items? a new or used laptop
The last thing you did? Listened to my 9 year old read her book.

What are you wearing? flannel jammie pants and a t shirt

Your tv? bigger than average but not huge with lots of channels that I don’t watch and a remote that I am still trying to figure out!

Your pet? The best dog ever…Grace…because it’s by God’s grace that I was able to get another dog
Your computer? Don’t have my own…just my daughter’s laptop

Your mood? Tired, but happy…we won our first football game today!

Missing someone? Yeah, my family in CA
Favorite store? Target.

Your summer? Fast. I wasn’t ready for it to be over…
Love someone? Yep – John Rice

Your favorite color? Corals, oranges and greens
Last time you cried?Yesterday watching a video at the Amani meeting

Last time you laughed: Earlier today at something the kids said

So there you have it blog fans…a little about me…not rocket science but it was fun for a wintry night by the fire!

Until next time…

T.G.I.F.

What a week!  I am so glad it’s Friday…I can’t wait to go to bed and sleep.  This hasn’t been a bad week, just very busy and very long!  I am planning on sleeping in tomorrow which means I won’t get up until 8 instead of 5…woo hoo…I am really living large now.  LOL  I remember a time when I would be going to bed at 5 after a wild night and now I am lucky to make it past 10!  Boy, times they do change.  Here’s to a quiet weekend for all!

Until next time…

Be Careful What You Pray For

So a couple of years ago I began praying to God to break down some barriers that had grown around my heart.  I have always been a really caring person, but for several reasons I had slipped into a bit of depression and really felt like I wasn’t feeling much.  Does that make sense?  I just felt like I was slipping through life.  My emotions were pretty straight-lined.  There weren’t any great highs and hadn’t been for awhile and the opposite was also true.  I had been through some pretty tragic family stuff and there wasn’t the feelings to correspond with them.  So I began praying…help me feel again.  Break down the walls that I have built without realizing.  I want to have those feelings again.  I want to be happy.  I want to experience and deal with the pain that I have been going through.

As the title of this blog says you need to be ready to receive what you ask for!  Now I have always been a weeper…all my life I could cry.  For heaven’s sake I used to cry every Sunday night at the end of the weekly episode of Lassie when she would life her paw on the big rock!  How ridiculous is that?  I knew that it would be back on the next week, but I was always sad to see her go.  I still cry every single time I leave after a visit to my family in California.  I don’t mean a tear or two…I am talking sloppy bawling for at least the first 10 miles of the ride home.  Silly.  Well let me tell you…since I have asked God through prayer He has answered.  My emotions are back in full force!  I cry listening to videos on You Tube or watching episodes of Extreme Makeover.  My children tell me sweet stories and if I retell them to people I tear up.  The emotions are back in full force!  I am thankful for answered prayer, but sometimes I want to ask, “is there a happy medium we can agree upon?  I mean really!”

I am currently beginning to work with a project very dear to my heart.  I have talked about before, but it is about the world wide orphan problem that we have.  There are over 143,000,000 orphans in the world.  That is a travesty.  My mom heart wants me to go out and bring them all home.  I am almost positive that would send my hubby right over the edge!  I think even bringing one home would do him in.  So, since I can’t bring them home how can I help?  Well I am getting involved.  I want to help send orphan girls to college!  Imagine if an orphan girl was able to get the education she needs and can then give back to her family and others in her area?!  That is incredible.  What would be even more incredible is if we could raise up a generation of kids that see world wide issues rather than just worrying about what brand the jeans are or who is dating who.  If you are interested or want to just check it out go to www.amanilifeproject.com.  I hope it will start a fire in your belly like it has in mine.

I am thrilled that my feelings are running through my veins again.  I love that I have found something that has ignited a fire in me again.  I love my kids and I want to teach them to fight for the underdog.  To have a heart for helping the less fortunate. 

Until next time…

Crystal Clear

Out of the mouth of babes!  I was conducting football practice last night and I had a player that just could not concentrate.  I tried everything to engage him and get his mind back to what we were doing.  I really was getting frustrated, although he didn’t know it.  I finally asked him, “Sam are you having a bad Monday?”

“Yes”, he replied.  “I can’t seem to concentrate on what you are telling me to do.”

“OK, now we are getting somewhere!”  I said feeling like I wanted to pull out my hair.  “Just stand by me and I will help you to listen to the plays.”

We finished out the practice, just working on some things that I noticed during the game on Sunday.  We needed to tighten up our defense, and the offense needed a couple of new plays added to the repertoire.  The kids were excited after our game on Sunday to really work at things, except for Sam.  So, he dutifully stood by me and followed my instructions.  I could see him getting better at his position and grasping the things I was trying to teach him.  Practice ended on a high note and the kids were taking off to head for home to warm up and eat their dinner, do homework or whatever else they do in the evening.

After I got home and got my own family settled down for the evening, I was thinking more about practice.  Little Sam taught me something valuable last night.  How we are so like him with God!  We are busy flitting with life from one thing to the next.  God is standing right next to us as we go through each situation trying to teach us.  Trying to get us to do what He wants us to do.  Trying to coach us into being better at whatever “position” we are in.  Guess what?  Sometimes we are too antsy to hear! 

Do you think God gets frustrated with us like I was with Sam?  I don’t think He gets frustrated.  I don’t think He can, but in my human mind I can imagine that it is just like my experience with Sam.  I am sure there have been times when God has said, “Tami are you having a bad Monday (or whatever day of the week it is)?  Here, come stand right by me and I will help you to focus.”  Isn’t He great in that way?  He tries to teach us over and over and when we just can’t quite get it He pulls us in closer to say pay attention and I will help.  He puts his Daddy arm around us and helps us to see what it is we need to learn.

I am thankful that I have a Daddy God that does that.  I need refocusing on a regular basis.  I am always amazed at how easy life gets when I am in focus and not in the blurry picture that can come from being out of focus! I am thankful to Sam too, because he was so unfocused last night he helped me to also see how blurry I was. 

Until next time…

The end of a crazy weekend

So Friday I was home sick from work.  Headcolds…yuck!  My 9 year old feels compelled to share everything with me, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Well, she has had a chest cold for a few days and there you have.  So I spent the day sleeping while the kids were in school.  I didn’t realize how tired I really was until I woke up and realized it had been almost 6 hours. 

Emily had a soccer game on Saturday along with the regular weekend stuff.  She won 4-0 although they aren’t supposed to keep score.  Yeah right..tell that to a group of 9 year olds!  They know exactly what is going on at all times.

Today found us having our annual neighborhood block party.  It’s an event I always look forward to.  We have caterers come in and all the neighbors show up with a dish to share.  There is music and face painting and a jump house and beer!  Unfortunately, it rained this year.  The first time in 6 years that we have had rain.  It wasn’t a downpour but it did put a damper on things.  I am on the HOA Board, so I felt that I really needed to go out even if it was raining!  Glad I did…the rain wasn’t THAT bad and it was fun seeing some of the neighbors.  We even had some people come by that had moved away which made it that much more special.  Hopefully next year the weather will be great again and the turnout will be even better.

I actually had to leave in the middle of the party and head to my season opener of the Football Season.  Yep…the first game.  Nervous tummies and the jitters and that was from me, not the players.  The kids did great for a first game considering the rain and the coach survived.  We didn’t win but they played really well and had fun.  Did I mention already that we don’t keep score?  Oh yeah, right.  Well anyway it was great and  I am so glad I stepped up to the challenge!

Monday is upon me and my bed is calling.

Until next time…